The Art Of Dealing With Insecurity
What is meant by the "art" of dealing with insecurity? Insecurity can be a very complex issue, and also at times a somewhat messy issue. Dealing with insecurity can be like cleaning up a very, very messy house. You don't know where to start, and aren't all that sure you'll succeed. One can take a methodical and scientific room-at-a-time approach, gaining confidence with each small success, but more often than not, you just need to jump in and take things as they come.
You can go through a series of steps, or follow someone else's outline in dealing with insecurity issues, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Still, you need to step back and look at the big picture, and ask yourself a whole bunch of questions, before starting up the road to security. Even then, you have to realize your may never reach the end of the road. Why? Because life is full of uncertainties and insecurities. In a sense it's an insecure world we live in, and try as we might, we may never completely get a handle on things. Nor do we want to. When you are insecure, it's often due to a feeling you have lost control over a part of your life, maybe a big part. If you could just gain control, everything will be fine. Or will it?
Total Control Is Not Total Security - Achieving security by gaining control is true up to a point, but bear this in mind. Some of the most insecure people are those who feel the need to control everything. Their insecurity is not due to things not being within their control, but the fear that they'll lose the control they do have, usually control over others. There's a difference between trying to get things under control and being controlling. Look at being in control of your own destiny (and not of the destiny of others) as a goal, but one that will always be a bit elusive, and somewhat slippery and tough to keep a grip on.
What are some of the characteristics of insecure people? Knowing these, or at least some of them, followed by a little self-examination can be very helpful in helping overcome some of your insecurity issues.
Insecure people have a defensive attitude. Do you, and if so why? Insecure people often have difficulties establishing strong relationships with others? Afraid of losing control of your own life by making friends? Some people are. That isn't a very good reason for not making friends. Afraid that something bad, or even catastrophic will happen to you if you're not very, very careful? Someone once said that the things we most fear seldom ever happen. Still, you can spend your life indoors, even in your bed. Nice and safe, but dull.
Oh No! I Succeed. - Some insecure people fear failure or the inability to accomplish something. Some feel unable to accomplish anything. On the other hand, some insecure people fear success, as if to say, "If I'm successful, more and more will be expected of me that I'm not certain I can handle". That's fairly common. Most of us want to succeed, but some are afraid to.
Ugliness Is Only Skin Deep - Sometimes insecurity is tied to feelings of low self-esteem. Why should anyone be interested in me? I'm below average in most things, incompetent, and ugly. Ugliness could be said to be in the eye of the beholder. Very few vibrant, friendly people, who get involved in things and do their best are ugly. Maybe at first glance they seem that way, but not when you get to know them.
Average Ain't Bad - If you can convince yourself you're about average, that's a huge step. Most people are about average. Most average people can accomplish many things, but there are many more things they will fail at, but that doesn't particularly bother them. Most average people fear cancer, but they don't spend all their waking hours worrying about it. They try to live a healthy lifestyle, figuring doing that will be their best chance of avoiding the dread disease, or any other, and go about their lives.
Not Number One? - Insecure because you're not number one? Sometimes being number one isn't all it's cracked up to be. Plenty of people on top take very public pratfalls, and that person you're certain is better than you, may in fact be much more insecure than you could ever imagine yourself being.
Get professional help if you really believe your feelings of insecurity are keeping you from enjoying a quality lifestyle. It would be well worth it. Dealing with insecurity is often something you'll need help with. In the meantime, feel secure in knowing the sun will come up tomorrow. If it doesn't we'll all be feeling a bit insecure.