Teacher Aid: Dealing with Difficult Parents
Most teachers has come across some tough-to-handle parents, and most of them find that it can be quite frustrating dealing with difficult parents—even a distraction. When a student is in need of help, it is often easiest for the parents to blame the teacher rather than to admit that their child may genuinely need help or motivation. Whether the parents have declared their dissatisfaction through a note, phone call, or during a parent-teacher conference, many teachers are often left with their self-esteem a little shaken at the suggestion that their teaching methods are unsatisfactory or that their experience is lacking.
A parent who openly expresses criticism towards their child’s teacher is not necessarily an overbearing or bullying person—they could genuinely feel that their child’s needs are not being met in the classroom. This brings us to tip number one: Allow the parent the chance to speak their mind. Invite the parent to speak face-to-face with you, if you don’t already have a scheduled appointment with them. When they arrive, express your appreciation of the parent’s concern and invite them to express these concerns. While the parent is speaking, feel free to take notes but try to regain eye contact on a frequent basis so they feel reassured that you are paying attention and taking them seriously. Don’t interrupt them or try to defend yourself. Worried parents don’t want to hear excuses—they want reassurance that their concerns are being considered.
The next step is to put yourself in the parent’s shoes. Does their concern seem valid and have they offered any recommendations for rectifying the situation? You can express how much you appreciate that the parent is willing to get involved, and make any suggestions you may have about working out the issue. For instance, say the parent is worried that you “breeze through” lectures rather than giving a detailed explanation on how to do something. You can offer to spend extra one-on-one time with the child or approach the child occasionally to ask how they are handling the material, if possible. If the parent has made suggestions of their own, assure them that you will implement them if it is in your power to, or ensure then that you will discuss the changes with the principal to see whether it falls within school policy.
The best way to go about dealing with difficult parents is to simply listen to what they have to say and then give them your honest opinion about the situation. Do not in any way outright accuse the parent of being the cause of the problem—you will get nowhere playing the blame game. Try to suggest that you both work together to ensure that the child’s needs are met. If the parent seems open to this, brainstorm for a “plan of attack” and ensure them that you will remain in contact with them to provide updates from your end of the situation and encourage them to do the same. Let them know that you are sympathetic about their concerns and that you hope they will feel comfortable expressing any future concerns with you.
As you probably already know, it can be easy for a worried parent to lose their temper—possibly even become irate. When this happens, it can be easy for you to lose your own temper or feel put down. If you ever feel as though you are being mistreated or spoken to in an unacceptable fashion, don’t be afraid to tell the parent so. Don’t let your anger get the best of you. Simply state that you do not allow people to talk to you in such a way and that you will be willing to speak about the situation when the parent has calmed down. The key when dealing with an upset parent is to always remain calm and confident. If a parent’s faith in your abilities is already shaken, a lack of confidence during a meeting can serve as more fuel for the fire. Always remain cool, but don’t be afraid to whip out a disapproving glance or two if the parent is making a scene. Remember, you don’t have to put up with mistreatment and you can always walk away.
If you ever feel that the situation might become heated, ask the principal to sit in on your meeting. Not only will your principal be able to lend you support, but the parent is much less likely to become unreasonable if there are two calm and confident figures of authority in the room. This isn’t a tactic meant to intimidate the parent, but merely one that should reassure the parent that their concerns will be heard and taken seriously. Together, the three of you are sure to formulate a plan that you can all agree on.
I hope you have found encouragement and insight in this guide to dealing with difficult parents. Best of luck in the future!