Some Hints In Dealing With Angry People
Unless you are a professional at it, dealing with angry people is never an easy thing to do, or at least it's not much fun. Even if your work assignment calls for you to be constantly dealing with angry people, the strain of doing so may eventually take its toll. Those working in Customer Service or Human Relations get most than their fair share of unhappy people to have to talk to, mollify, or otherwise deal with. Still, even if you work in an organization where you are for the most part shielded from this sort of thing, eventually you are going to find yourself face to face with someone who is very angry, at something, or someone else, or you. Either way, you may find yourself in a perfect position to get dumped upon.
Angry And Always Angry - Let's start by identifying two types of angry people, and eliminating one of the types. By eliminating I don't mean doing away with, I mean not discussing. That particular type is the impossible person, the one who is either always angry at everything, or always angry at you, no matter what you try to do to tamp that anger down. That person can do no wrong and you can do no right. It may be best to ignore that person, at least mentally, if you can't avoid doing so physically. Let them lead their lives and you lead yours, as long as they do no harm. We'll ignore the impossible person here.
Most people who are angry are that way for a reason, a reason that makes sense to them, or they have convinced themselves it makes sense to them, whether from your perspective it really makes sense of not. These are people who are not normally angry all the time, in fact seldom may feel anger, but at the moment they are, so what can you do about it?
Show Respect - There are four key things. Number one is to show them respect, number two is to maintain your self respect, number three is to stay calm and keep your cool, and number four is to try to slow things down. Just practicing these may be enough to diffuse many situations before they get out of hand. When you are dealing with angry people and show them respect, initially by showing a willingness to hear them out, you are also showing empathy. Showing you understand why they are upset doesn't put you on their side necessarily. You may not want to be on their side. But at least you give the feeling that you are someone they can discuss the issue with, and that alone may get them starting to calm down.
Keep Your Self Respect – Maintain your self respect. If you are being confronted by an angry person, there are definite limits to what that person can say or how that person can act. You don't have to stand there and take abuse. Tell them you'll listen, but if they insist on shouting, name-calling, or bad behavior, they need to calm down and come back later. Yes, if they aren't behaving they will need permission to take up any more of your time. Worth a try. It might not work with the impossible person, in which case you simply walk away. With a person who is simply angry at something, let them know there are ground rules that, in spite of their emotion, need to be followed.
Keep Cool - Keep cool. Just about every list of tips and techniques on dealing with angry people will tell you to stay calm and keep your cool under all circumstances. It's good advice. Keeping calm is professional. Keeping calm also tends to calm down the other person. Speak slowly, quietly, and maintain eye contact! This says you are serious, you want to understand what there problem is, and it you are willing to help them resolve the issue.
Slow Down - If you stare at something, others will look in that direction, whether there's anything there or not. If you yawn, others will start to yawn as well. If you fidget, others will be fidget. Why mention these seemingly unrelated phenomena? If you remain calm and "slow down", others, including the angry person in front of you, will have a tendency to do the same. No matter what you intend to say to get the problem resolved or to indicate your understanding of the source of the anger, you want to get the person to "slow down", even though they may not realize they're doing so.